The Indian Delta Male Underlined ....

The Delta Male(definition)- The concept and the idea (however cool it may sound like!!!) basically refers to the large chunk of the Indian male population ,who are unemployed,frustrated,bored, talentless,with almost zero percent female influence in their lives, obviously love less, hopeless and possibly any other adjectives of this kind that anyone can associate, in short the Indian Delta Male is the absolute loser .... (I am not sure if any other country has delta males !!!)

Jitender Kumar Rastogi , walks into the dark and dingy cybercafe` called the "Gupta Internet,std,isd xerox". It is a hot forty plus summer day in the small town of Jaunpur,difficult to distinguish between the day and the night, once you are inside Guptaji's internet cafe' ("netwa" as Sunil Kumar Gupta would say).There were five computers in that hot and stuffy chamber. Jitender (or Piklu as his mother would call him), sat down on one of the "computers" near the torn calender , "pre historic" is the right word for the configurations used, the "QW..TY" key board had assumed a color of its own , the CPU let out grunts of despair rising above the monotonous humming of the fan,the wall paper of Mamta Kulkarni was the saving grace,according to Piklu.The people around him were just like him - job seekers. Dull eyes peering hopelessly in those flickering monitors ....

It has been almost over three years that Piklu (Bsc in pisciculture,second division) has been jobless, so an NRJ (Non Resident Jaunpurite) had advised him to do some IT courses(apparently there were infinite jobs in IT), coming from an NRJ things had to be true as Piklu had thought then. Piklu joined some course in another shady computer institute who claimed they will make him "market ready" and to top it all, throw in a certificate as well, apparently, most IT companies really trusted the "Sodhi Computer Institute(SCI)".It never occurred to Piklu as to why the SCI taught Microsoft Excel, instead of C++ or how could any IT company would ever notice the third floor of SCI which had "Ramesh Tailors" and "Hendsome Gents Hair Cutting Saloon" as its first and ground floors.However, it did occur to him that he could ogle at the government school girls, if he could sit near the eastern window .....

The job seeking has been going nowhere, his mail box was always full of mails but not a single one talked about offering a job,he has heard about the call centers but you need to be good in English for that.He had joined a "Speaking English" institute, this had made him a little more confident. His bio data read, "looking to hard work and grow up in your company", but he could never understand as to why, he did not ever get a response from anybody, Ma was right , the stars are not in perfect alignment but that will change , life is happy after thirty five , so said the "Janam Kundali" (horoscope). He had taken the bio data template from his trusted friend Praful who was working in Delhi in an IT company.

After a lazy skim through the "earn 100000 a day from your home" mails , he typed in "www.orkut.com" , the blue orkut always brought some energy to his otherwise listless life, for here on orkut , he underwent a transmogrification (yeah I know big words). On orkut he was the "deshing cool doode" , his profile picture looked exactly like Salman Khan , he smiled at his handsome alter ego.He has never met anyone on his friends list , but so what !!! all his friends were females.He spoke regularly with "Sexy Girl", "Cute Pinky" and "Pussy Cat"(he was particularly amazed at those nude picture these women had posted, it was Nirvana for our Piklu).His passion was "biking" (though he never cared whether his father's Hercules qualified as a bike or not), his movie list included "Dhoom", "Tere Naam"... (I guess not many people know that the only movies that are shown at the Jaunpur movie hall sound like "Hawaas ka Pujaari", basically the C grades).An active member of the "Hot Aunties In Jaunpur", "Web Cam Sex" , "Handsome Guys and Girls" and not so active member of the "English", "Bikes and Superbikes " and the "Job Search In India" communities.....


But this is not how his profile looked like ,when he had started off on orkut, life was different then , with no friends ,but he had been fascinated by it. He had posted one of his poems in the "about me" section , yes he loved Hindi poetry,he loved prose as well , Munshi Premchand , Rahul Sankrityan , Maithili Sharan Gupt were some of his favorite writers.He had a liking for songs by Mukesh and had profound interest in folk music. He never liked science as a subject , he was more interested in Arts , but he chose science over working at his father's scrap metal shop, he had hoped that orkut would get him some new friends, maybe he will find somebody he would fall in love;it had seemed like a world of exciting adventures to him.He had managed to scan an old photograph and upload it as his profile picture, he always thought that his carefully combed flat hair, looked good on him; he felt that his mustache was the absolute show stealer, the passport photograph was actually taken for his student's identity card, and he appeared relaxed though not smiling.He had hoped , that somewhere on the planet , his soul mate is waiting , maybe just a scrap away.He had a hard time though, searching for a community that listed females from Jaunpur, "dehaatis" he had thought, he did find a huge community of Rastogis, he had been absolutely thrilled , so he had short listed his favorite females on the community and scrapped the killer "Kya aap mujhse dosti karoge ?" lines to all of them, he waitied for days end, but none ever replied. Days went by with his friends list and scrap count standing at zero, that is when he decided to switch all communications to english, so began a bombardment of " can we be Frands? " , "your profaile is intarasting , will you be my phrand ?" scraps , which with days of further disappointments graduated to "you are having many frands, but please except me as your frend as I am very desent" , "please be my frand as I am veg" etc kinds.It almost became an obsession , a challenge for his ego to get at least one female in his friends list, but nothing ever happened .....

Then one day, as if by God's will ,"Erotic Girl" came to his orkut life, almost by accident; he never knew what "erotic" meant , however, the profile pic was more than self explanatory. Days of frustration had made him decide, that what he wanted from a female was actually gratification, and this was his golden opportunity."Erotic girl" (EG)had many friends including "horny babes", "teen fantasies" etc. Piklu felt,that he had been gifted the key to the magic world, a world that existed only in his late night fantasies.This was the beginning of the orkut turnaround, he was now an expert in erotic chats, he would use words like "babe", "sweetz", "kisses" etc with ease.He has realised that even the Rastogi females liked to talk in some strange language involving "ma", "yo" , "chill" etc ...He had changed his hometown from Jaunpur to Delhi to Bombay to New Jersey and he was a successful software developer there. His primary interest was still in the "hot and naughty" "babes"; he had scavenged most of the "hot aunties of the .." communities in the orkut world, and he almost felt like Columbus with new insights on the concept of "sex" .....


He had just added fifteen new females at random on orkut , he believed in the law of averages.There were definitely questions on his mind , questions he felt were puzzling and important, but he was not sure about whom,how,when or where, for example "how could you spike your hair, using dabur amla hair oil?" or "when was Mr Gay born and what did he actually do and how come he had so many twins ?" , there were some questions he had figured out himself like "fuck" was a synonym for the process of sex (seemed like Mr Gay had "fucked" a lot of people) , thanks to the sex chats he has had. He no longer cared if companies were interested in him, he no longer cared ,if his roof leaked or his father coughed blood , he did not care that his mother cried alone every night, that the bulb in the drawing cum bedroom cum kitchen room needs to be changed , all he cared was this moment , this uncovering of nakedness between two strangers ....that is all that mattered .....

"Chalo coffee band karne ka waqt aa gaya chalo chalo, netwa hataa rah hu main, aur Rastogi tumne pehle ka khaata kalear nahin kiya hain " blurted Guptaji in the most annoying, almost feminine tone, our Piklu was quiet , this meant a return to reality , return to obscenity , a return to boredom a return to hopelessness.He clicked the "Sign Out" link and it seemed like ages before the sign out actually happened.As he walks out into the ill kept pavement , he can hear the tune of "dil hain ki manta nahin" drifting from one of the dhabas, he has missed another so called "C++" class , back home his mother's constant taunting and his father's incessant coughing will suppress any thought process that might originate, his story books and poems are now used effectively by some paani puri waala down the street,life for him is a matter of living out the remaining years and die.The lights just went out, in Jaunpur you could never predict the duration of load shedding, as dogs barked and shadows crossed his field of vision,the loneliness gradually sets in ...

Meanwhile "sexy girl" is back from his dinner in the tiffin house, probably the worst in Chalighat, it has been over three years that he has been stuck alone in that "barsaati", hoping to get married , after endless rejections he has reached a stage of zero self confidence, his ugliness compounded with his thankless job as a medical representative not really taking him anywhere, so here is he now on planet orkut , living the life of a transvestite, a slut, he derives sadistic pleasure at those hopeless losers, men like him falling in the trap, it sure is a high in his life.The lives of the likes of "The Cute Pinkies", "The Naughty Reshmas" , "The Pussy Cats" etc are no different either, they all belong to a growing conglomerate of the type we have already defined .....!!!!

DISCLAIMER: All the characters are fictitious and any resemblance to real people or events, is purely co incidental.